The courage to disagree. The smarts to do it well.
by Robin O. Newham, Director of the Upper School
As an educator for the past 37 years, I have come to realize that the most dynamic learning experiences often occur in the most unlikely of circumstances. A great example of this assertion is the fallout from the Upper School assembly with Dr. Leonard Sax on Tuesday, October 9. In a nutshell, Dr. Sax intended to talk with Upper School students about Facebook, cell phones, and other tools in the “cyberbubble.” We expected him to speak, as he did with parents the night before, about how these tools can be an unhealthy distraction that precludes an introspective and meaningful life.
As an educator for the past 37 years, I have come to realize that the most dynamic learning experiences often occur in the most unlikely of circumstances. A great example of this assertion is the fallout from the Upper School assembly with Dr. Leonard Sax on Tuesday, October 9. In a nutshell, Dr. Sax intended to talk with Upper School students about Facebook, cell phones, and other tools in the “cyberbubble.” We expected him to speak, as he did with parents the night before, about how these tools can be an unhealthy distraction that precludes an introspective and meaningful life.
What provoked the most vehement reaction among the girls was Dr. Sax's assertion that, "Life is a series of bitter disappointments, followed by long stretches of boredom, and then you die." His deadpan delivery, effective with an adult audience the evening before, fell flat with the students. He never made the important point that the recent spike in incidences of depression among girls might be a consequence of the “persona” that girls often portray online (through choices about what is posted) that creates an expectation that “everyone else’s life is so much fun and my life stinks”.
As a result, the focus of all attention was on his statements about life, disappointments, boredom, and death instead of on his intended topic. This was certainly not the message any of us—especially Ellis faculty and staff—expected as the central theme of Dr. Sax’s student assembly. Dr. Sax became so focused on doom and gloom that he never got to the actual point of his talk. He also seemed surprised by and unprepared for the many raised hands and the sheer volume of girls who wanted to share their thoughts.
Several girls took offense at his comments and felt angry and upset, frustrated, shocked, or hurt. Others were uncomfortable with the way their classmates reacted to his remarks (I heard some students say they felt that as a group we were rude to him).
Not hearing his bigger (and intended) message was a missed opportunity for everyone involved. What a mess, right? Actually, it was a provocative and instructional situation that resulted in some excellent discussions–otherwise known as dynamic learning experiences!
It’s also worth noting that we have had many assemblies over the years that showcased talent, warmed hearts, and inspired hope–and soon melted into the background. Not so with Dr. Sax. The result was a fire storm as students questioned beliefs, challenged authority, and examined the very foundation of what it means to be an expert.
In a follow-up assembly last Friday, I sat on the stage before 164 Upper School students and the Upper School faculty. The students wanted very much to know what I thought about Dr. Sax and his assembly, and I provided my honest assessment. They in turn shared their thoughts, asked good questions, and have continued to seek me out in opportune moments with their ideas. Many students told me afterward that they are so fortunate to attend a school in which important ideas–especially those that spark controversy–can be discussed openly and honestly. We do need to create more opportunities for our girls to practice the art of disagreement–how to disagree without taking it personally or allowing emotions to overtake logic and clarity of thought. Because they are our future leaders preparing for lives of significant purpose, we owe it to them.
How lucky I am to have spent most of my career within a community of such bright, passionate, and feisty young women. It is never dull in the Ellis Upper School – thank goodness—and I hope it never will be.
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As a result, the focus of all attention was on his statements about life, disappointments, boredom, and death instead of on his intended topic. This was certainly not the message any of us—especially Ellis faculty and staff—expected as the central theme of Dr. Sax’s student assembly. Dr. Sax became so focused on doom and gloom that he never got to the actual point of his talk. He also seemed surprised by and unprepared for the many raised hands and the sheer volume of girls who wanted to share their thoughts.
Several girls took offense at his comments and felt angry and upset, frustrated, shocked, or hurt. Others were uncomfortable with the way their classmates reacted to his remarks (I heard some students say they felt that as a group we were rude to him).
Not hearing his bigger (and intended) message was a missed opportunity for everyone involved. What a mess, right? Actually, it was a provocative and instructional situation that resulted in some excellent discussions–otherwise known as dynamic learning experiences!
It’s also worth noting that we have had many assemblies over the years that showcased talent, warmed hearts, and inspired hope–and soon melted into the background. Not so with Dr. Sax. The result was a fire storm as students questioned beliefs, challenged authority, and examined the very foundation of what it means to be an expert.
In a follow-up assembly last Friday, I sat on the stage before 164 Upper School students and the Upper School faculty. The students wanted very much to know what I thought about Dr. Sax and his assembly, and I provided my honest assessment. They in turn shared their thoughts, asked good questions, and have continued to seek me out in opportune moments with their ideas. Many students told me afterward that they are so fortunate to attend a school in which important ideas–especially those that spark controversy–can be discussed openly and honestly. We do need to create more opportunities for our girls to practice the art of disagreement–how to disagree without taking it personally or allowing emotions to overtake logic and clarity of thought. Because they are our future leaders preparing for lives of significant purpose, we owe it to them.
How lucky I am to have spent most of my career within a community of such bright, passionate, and feisty young women. It is never dull in the Ellis Upper School – thank goodness—and I hope it never will be.
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