Mathematical Inspiration in a Pair of Skinny Jeans
Mathematical inspiration in a pair of skinny jeans. Yes, you read that correctly, and believe me, nobody is more surprised than I am by my shopping trip turned personal epiphany last weekend. I did something that almost everyone does while looking for a new pair of jeans. I reached into the middle-ish of a rack to pull out a size 6/8/10 so I could make my way to the dressing room. The jeans I retrieved were labeled as a size 0 so I moved to return them to their rightful place on the rack—far left—only to find that I had entered a universe where the smallest size was no longer 0. It was 000. Triple zero! Every mathematical alarm bell in my head rang loud and clear.
First, some background. In many ways, I’m a typical teen. My day to day revolves around family, school, friends, sports, and the occasional crisis that comes with all of the above. Having come of age in the era of social media, I tweet, text, and post regularly. Sometimes, I’m deeply insightful but mostly I’m just ridiculous. Like every teen girl, I’m a media consumer so I’m fully aware of the female beauty standard and the directives I regularly receive to do everything in my power to attain this impossible—not to mention dangerous—ideal. All in all, the casual observer would meet, and likely regard, me as an all-around, typical teenager. Except.
Unlike most teens, I spend 8-10 hours of every week day steeped in Girl Power at The Ellis School, an all-girls school in Pittsburgh, PA. Daily, I am charged with questioning the status quo and rising above superficialities. Every minute of every school day reminds me that my most valuable asset is not my face, my thighs, or my dress size. Rather, I am assessed on how rigorously I pursued my thesis statement, the elegance of my proof, or the defensibility of my scientific conclusion. At Ellis, my worth comes from my brain and my voice and so it is with my brain and voice that I would like to offer some alternatives to you, the fashion industry, on sizing women’s clothing because right now, it just doesn’t make mathematical sense.
First, a question. When you use sizes like 00 and 000, do you really mean 0.0 and 0.00? Obviously, the use of the significant figures .00 suggest zero with greater accuracy that 0 or 0.0, so why not just ditch the less accurate zeroes and go for the most accurate zero, 0.00? The lack of a decimal point is incredibly confusing, not to mention numerically unsound. Furthermore, I’ve seen some crazy back pocket embroidery so I can’t imagine that a decimal point is that difficult to stitch.
Second, assuming you didn’t intend for 00 to mean 0.0, but rather the next size down from the pre-existing size 0, why not just stay with the pattern of …10, 8, 6, 4, 2, 0 and include negative numbered sizes? Rather than 00 and 000, use -2 and -4! I, for one, would love to see negative numbers get their fair share of fashion airtime. Negative numbers are awesome. They may scare you but, trust me, my post-Algebra world would be apocalyptic without negative numbers. Please. Just give them a chance.
Third, you could go the route of statistical normal distributions and use standard deviations in lieu of even numbered clothing sizes. The average female dress size—which ranges from 8 to 14 depending on the source—could be the new zero, with standard deviations denoting sizes that are larger or smaller than the mean. So, as an example, if 12 becomes zero, dress sizes could go from the current …16, 14, 12, 10, 8, 6… to …1, .5, 0. -.5, 1… I understand this may require some professional development on your end, but online courses abound. For a small fee, my statistics class could create a Youtube tutorial for you on the basics of normal distributions.
Finally, if you are intent on sticking with numerical sizes that don’t make any mathematical sense, why not at least make things interesting and go with some cool irrational numbers like pi or e? Just imagine the elevated dialogue women would be engaging in in stores across the nation: “I’m pretty sure I’m between .5pi and pi. The last time I checked I was hovering just shy of square root of 5.”
All jokes aside, let me acknowledge that I understand where you are coming from, Fashion Gods. Sizes 00 and 000, are just the most recent manifestations of the so-called “vanity sizing” movement. By increasing the reach of your size zero, you are allowing a greater number of women into the elite Zero Club. By your estimation, as more women feel the hypnotic validation of those embroidered ovals, demand for your product will increase, and so too will your profit margin. I get it.
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